My Last Story

"I WANT TO DIE. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE" - Yeah, we would have said that at least once in our life time, at least it would have crossed our mind at least once. Though this is the most commonly used sentence in demand, only few grab that sentence for real. Yeah, may be many and I am going to be one among that many. 

Yeah, I was gonna die. The reasons were simple - I am all alone, such a failure, loser or a mess of the whole world or whatever the words that circles those, I am that. 

Now, to elaborate those reasons. I lost my mother, the only good thing in my life but even after that I thought I could handle those all by myself and here I am, I didn't. Well, a girl whom I loved the most after my mom, said, straight to my face, "You're not worth enough to get me, bro. Don't waste your time, you loser". Now as a writer by myself . . . . Oops, I forgot to say, I am a writer or may be let's just say I wanted to be a writer, used  to write stories, which itself was one of the reasons I wanted to let loose of my life. Yeah, whatever, I tried my ass off doesn't paid off. I tried so much hard that giving up my life seems so much easier now. Well back to where I left. 

Now, as a writer, I know the meaning of a word "Loser". The problem was that my life taught me the meaning of the word so deeper enough, that pinches my heart right through. Yeah it hurts when someone says that and that gives the strength to bear the pain of the death I was gonna face.

Well, there has to be something, that people would do for their last time. They would do what they love in their last hours. Let me see what I love to do. I lost my mom, my one side love hit at my face, so nothing to do about them. Well, that leaves me with just one thing. 

Why not a "Last Story"?.

I titled my story "The Man Who Died". Cool, right?. Well, I had a great newspaper article headlines, well, phew, if they really cares to post it in the article. "A Man died after writing his last story 'The man Who died' ". Rhymes right, wasn't it?. Well, back to business.

After posting it in my blog, I used the stairs, not the elevators, you know just to delay it, reached terrace. I went up to the edge, looked down, only to go up. 

I dropped my glasses, you know just to see the preview of how it's gonna look like. You know sadly, I cannot look at my broken glasses without my own glasses. But I do know it's gonna be broken just like I was mentally. Now I am about to do it physically.

Kids, do not try this at home - beg your pardon if it didn't make you laugh.

I was just gonna slip off, just then a voice heard.

"Hey Pal", he said.

I looked at him.

"Come here, let's just have a discussion over here before you do what you're about to", he said.

I really don't know why but to those words, I responded. I came out of the edge and sat along with him.

He looked at me close, so intense and smiled at me.

"Alright, tell me why you're doing this and I will tell why you shouldn't", he said.

I smirked off. "It's funny when someone is there who tries to save me", I said.

"Oh, no Pal, you are mistaken, my bad. I am not a hero. I am here to play a small game in which either you or me has to prove the another one wrong. Shall we?", he said wearing a warmth smile.

"What if I say no?".

"Well, come on, what if you say yes?. I mean you wanted a little delay otherwise you would have taken elevator up here. Mind if I give you a little more delay?. You wanted that after all", he said and winked.

"Well, excuse me, you mean I am not gonna die now?", I said.

"If that's what you sorted out, then that's what it is", he said, "I mean, you put down your glasses, looked down for so long and you readily came out of the edge when some strange person calls you out".

I stood up and walked myself to the edge.

"Well, try to prove you're strong by playing this game". I stopped and turned to him. "Try to play this game and if you still go to that edge, you win", he said, "What do you say, big guy?. Wanna die with the tag 'Loser' ?". He laughed at me that I hated it.

 

I walked straight to him, sat and said, "Well, I see you're manipulative but let's do it. Give me what you got".

"The game is plain. You tell your story why you're doing this and I'll tell you why you shouldn't", he leaned, "Shall we do this?".

"You want to know why am I doing this, right?", I said, "It's because I have no reason to live, damn it", I shouted.

"All things, literally everything, has already been taken away. My mom, only good thing of my life, gone. Yeah just like that, in a car accident. My one side love told me I am a loser because I am. I am a huge failure, a mass of mess that the universe doesn't want to hold onto", I said, "Alright, big dumbo, you got it. This is why".

"Well plain and simple. Let's leave the last two reasons which is by the way your love turned you down and of the fact you're a 'mass of mess'. I know you will figure it on your own", he said.

"How come?", I shrugged.

"I said you would but before that let's talk about your mom", he said and stood up.

"What's there to talk about my mom?", I said.

"Is it not that you were in that car accident with your mom?", he said.

"Yes. It really should have been me but sadly I was alive and she was gone", I said.

"Exactly, you're right in obvious way", he said, "In fact it really should have been you", he said on pointing a finger on me.

"What do you mean?", I said on narrowing my eyebrows.

"If it wasn't for your mom, it really should have been you", he said. I was shocked, cannot pronounce a word. 

"Yeah, I take that expression as 'Whaaaaattttttt' ", he said and laughed, "But indeed it was true. It was you who got the most of the crash in that accident by which you had damaged your heart. You're in a desperate situation wherein you need a heart transplant to be carried out".

I really cannot feel my legs. I was breathing abnormally fast. 

"And my mom?", I said.

"Yeah, my dear son. It was your mom who has to take a big step", he said looking right at my eye

Before I could realize, tears rolled on drop by drop, breathing even more faster and my heart beating drums.

"You are not only about to take your life but also your one good thing in your life", he said while I looked at him, "Your mom".

"Why do I have to believe you?. How do you know all these things?", I panicked.

"When you woke up from the bed and when the doctor said your mother was gone, you fell unconscious. Yeah, before doctor could explain what really had happened, you fell down. And when you had woken up, you ran from the hospital", he said.

"Still, how do you know all these things?", I shouted in distress.

"Well, let's just say that doctor's my friend", he said and smiled.

I cannot say an another word and I cannot control my tears felling down either.

"Cannot say a word?", he smiled, "That's true you accept it or not".

I was still in silence. He sat and leaned towards me.

"The reason why you want to die is the reason why you want you live for", he said, "It's your mother's last wish that you should live, hang on to these hardships no matter how hard it is"

"I cannot understand the logic why you guys are so keen to do come to heaven", he said, "Do you even know how does the heaven look like?"

"Well, do you?", I said.

"It's where I came from", he said.

"What, you are saint?".

"Quite more than that", he said, "I am God".

I laughed so hard.

"Yeah, yeah, it sounds humorous, isn't it?", he said

I did not stopped laughing. Now even if I tried stop laughing, I cannot.

"Yeah buddy, you cannot stop that, can you?", he said.

He snapped and then I stopped laughing. I should say I choked a little after I stopped my laughs.

"Will you believe if I do this?".

At once, we were standing up in the space with the stars all surrounding me. Then within few secs I was back in the terrace. I fall on my knees with shock. I really wished I was in a dream. But no, it's real.

"Yeah take time to relax which after that I had to talk", he said.

After some time, I drank water, slowed down from the shock, relaxed after which he continued his speech.

"Now that I gave the reason to believe me, listen to me", he said as he kneed down to me, "Believe me, it was so boring back in my home which you guys call heaven".

We again sat down.

"Yeah what I had created is far far beautiful than the home I used to reside", he said, "Yeah, when people used to say, "It's like an heaven", I want to take away their lives at once".

I laughed and so did he.

"There was nothing there in the heaven. But here, even in the dark night, it was beautiful, glittered with stars and moon and for what, just for you to admire and rejoice in it. We got nothing back there like you got here, my son. Oh my god, which is myself by the way, what beauty is to see those sun rising everyday?. I would never miss that. The scene that has background music of birds chirping around, all those green cover in mountains, little dew in the roses,  almost everything in this, unbelievably beautiful in absurd ways, world, were all created just for you guys to admire it. Right from dawn to the dusk and even after that, look around son, it's wonderful, just splendid and wonderful. I don't know why you are so keen to come to heaven when you already got one", he said.

"And, my dear, let me tell you a wrong myth that you guys developed fantasy about it. There were no beautiful angels up there in my hometown. They were already here in earth, yeah the girls and I have created the right one for everyone. Wait for her dear, she is on her way and when she does, you will love her and thereby your life", he said, "You think your mom will be proud of your act?. I am telling you, she is really pissed at you".

"My mom talked to you?".  I said

"Oh every day. She's in safe hands dear", he said, "Give her the perfect reason for her sacrifice. Add some value to it".

I looked down in guilt and ashamed.

"Oh come on, dear. You know the guy, Seenu. He failed in his English exam back in his training given by his company. He could pass only after the reattempt. If he could go around telling that he's a writer and a blogger, why can't you do it?. You write pretty amazing stories and I am telling it is going to do the magic for sure. It is just taking some time. Every thing doesn't fall right, it falls in right time. Trust the timing, trust the process and moreover have a trust in your skills, in your writings. Oh come on, if everything goes right, you guys would forget I exists, wouldn't you guys?".

I laughed and I nodded yes.

"Taking your lives is my job. I am pretty sure when and where I should take it, trust me, I am better at this. Living away your life is your job and don't worry if it's a pain in the ass because a stone is a statue only when get hit by the hammer. All those things that is happening now is to shape you, to make you look good and after these hardships did it's job what it intends to, you would be hard, tough to take on. Till then, sit tight, for there's a magic coming on, dear".

I smiled, stood up and said, "Thank you for giving back my dead inner self".

"So seems like you're "Loser" now, again?", he said.

"Yeah, I am but not in my life", I smiled with lots of hope within, "Convey my regards to my mom".

"You will make her proud one day", he said, "Now go down for there will be time when your life takes you up".

He then vanished. I smiled and then a idea pops up. I went down to my room, this time using elevator. Yeah, I wanna do this so fast.

I opened up my lap, my blog and changed the climax of "The Man Who Died". When the man is about to die, a voice pops. "Hey Pal" and yeah the rest of the story, you know, what had happened. You just saw it.

I didn't stopped trying. I wrote many stories, went to dozens of publishers, and yeah I was disappointed. 

But my legs never stopped running, my hands never stopped writing, my heart never stopped believing, my mind never stopped working on my stories, my eyes never stopped looking at my vision and yeah, the magic then happened.

Two mails popped up in my inbox that staged the magic. The one from the publisher wanting me to write a featured novel based on the story "The Man Who Died" and the one from a fan, a girl by the way, and yeah, you guys guessed it. 

She was the one and yes, my lord, as you said she had reached me so I can love her and as you said, 

I LOVE MY LIFE AND I AM SURE I DON'T WANT TO DIE - A rare sentence, not everyone tells that. 

But come on, one doesn't need God to come and motivate them. Why can't we do that?.

Spread love, Spread happiness for it's just a hand to pat on the shoulders is all needed to get down from the edge of the terrace, to put down the ropes meant to hang, to throw away the poisons. 

Can we do that?

Acknowledgements: The thing that I had failed in the English exam back in training provided by my company I was working for is absolutely true by the way. Even my mom doesn't know that. I am sorry mom. Peace.